two bits

Sorry that I’ve been MIA for so long! Work is kicking my butt. I’ve suffered through several 80+ hour work weeks. Black cars and expense account dinners sound better than they are. In this context they come with missed ski trips, lots of stress, bad nutrition, and sleep deprivation. A friend had to stop by work the other day just to see my pretty face. And last night (hopefully the last of the late nights) I ordered plain sauteed vegetables and brown rice for an injection of nutrients – takeout food is so bad for you!

I miss my friends and yoga and cooking and a regular routine. And sleep. Most of all I miss sleep.

Anyway, I’m back. Hello. Hope you are doing well.

Here’s a ridiculous thing for today. $550 sneakers that are intentionally scuffed.

I made chicken stock last night while I slept. Yes, leaving the stove on all night had the potential to

1. kill me in my sleep by fire or carbon monoxide poisoning;
2. scorch my precious Le Creuset dutch oven;
3. have every piece of clothing, linens, and hair permeated with the smell of chicken fat (ugh, so gross);
4. ruin a good night’s sleep due to paranoia about any or all of the above.

Thankfully, none of the above occurred and I woke up to beautiful, golden broth.

I haven’t made a roast chicken in years – it used to be one of my staples when entertaining friends. Roast chicken with crispy potatoes. Mmmm, rosemary and lemon and garlic and butter! I made it for some friends recently (hence the carcass with which to make stock) and it was not the same. I’ve lost some entertaining mojo from lack of use. Getting everything on the table at the same time while simultaneously carrying on a conversation is quite a feat! This time I accidentally roasted the chicken upside down, so I had to do some rearranging to marry the perfectly cooked breasts with the beautifully crisped (back) skin. It actually turned out not-half-bad, though the potatoes were undercooked. I blame the oven.

The moon! The wolf moon! (thanks, Jenny) The moon-set was so huge and bright this morning. It was worth the 8 am meeting that caused me to witness it.

Neil Gaiman has written some nice New Years sentiments. His latest one is great:

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

Someone made a graphic of the one from many years ago:

Do you read Dear Sugar? Vani introduced me. She has good advice (I mean Sugar has good advice, but Vani does too).

Given the song lyrics and poetry I’ve been posting lately, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that my word of 2012 is wander.

Instead of making yearly resolutions, I’m going to stick to January for now:
yoga at 7 am.
leave building at lunch.
after dinner stroll at 9 pm.

My sister read the last part of Walt Whitman’s Song of the Open Road at my wedding. I feel like the whole thing fits now just as it always has. I suppose it’s a deeper, more complex version of The Happy Wanderer.

I love it all! But it is long and I want you to read it so I will do my best to whittle it down a bit. But if you like this, be sure to go and read the whole thing because there’s lots more truth to be had. Some of my favorite parts:

Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,
Strong and content I travel the open road.

The earth, that is sufficient,
I do not want the constellations any nearer,
I know they are very well where they are,
I know they suffice for those who belong to them.

(Still here I carry my old delicious burdens,
I carry them, men and women, I carry them with me wherever I go,
I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them,
I am fill’d with them, and I will fill them in return.)

…

I think heroic deeds were all conceiv’d in the open air, and all free poems also,
I think I could stop here myself and do miracles,
I think whatever I shall meet on the road I shall like, and whoever beholds me shall like me,
I think whoever I see must be happy.

From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.

I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me.

…

Here is the efflux of the soul,
The efflux of the soul comes from within through embower’d gates, ever provoking questions,
These yearnings why are they? these thoughts in the darkness why are they?
Why are there men and women that while they are nigh me the sunlight expands my blood?
Why when they leave me do my pennants of joy sink flat and lank?
Why are there trees I never walk under but large and melodious thoughts descend upon me?
(I think they hang there winter and summer on those trees and always drop fruit as I pass;)
What is it I interchange so suddenly with strangers?
What with some driver as I ride on the seat by his side?
What with some fisherman drawing his seine by the shore as I walk by and pause?
What gives me to be free to a woman’s and man’s good-will? what gives them to be free to mine?

The efflux of the soul is happiness, here is happiness,
I think it pervades the open air, waiting at all times,
Now it flows unto us, we are rightly charged.

…

Allons! whoever you are come travel with me!
Traveling with me you find what never tires.

The earth never tires,
The earth is rude, silent, incomprehensible at first, Nature is rude and incomprehensible at first,
Be not discouraged, keep on, there are divine things well envelop’d,
I swear to you there are divine things more beautiful than words can tell.

Allons! we must not stop here,
However sweet these laid-up stores, however convenient this dwelling we cannot remain here,
However shelter’d this port and however calm these waters we must not anchor here,
However welcome the hospitality that surrounds us we are permitted to receive it but a little while.

…

Forever alive, forever forward,
Stately, solemn, sad, withdrawn, baffled, mad, turbulent, feeble, dissatisfied,
Desperate, proud, fond, sick, accepted by men, rejected by men,
They go! they go! I know that they go, but I know not where they go,
But I know that they go toward the best – toward something great.

Whoever you are, come forth! or man or woman come forth!
You must not stay sleeping and dallying there in the house, though you built it, or though it has been built for you.

Out of the dark confinement! out from behind the screen!

…

Two pages that I especially like from Maira Kalman’s Principles of Uncertainty:

I finally loaded all of my music onto my “new” laptop. It’s a year old, but everything was stuck on my old broken laptop which I had to unscrew and disassemble in order to get at the harddrive. I bought a USB adaptor thingie and loaded everything to the new laptop. It’s the type of project that I wouldn’t have been able to attempt before – falling squarely in my ex’s realm of expertise. But it was fun and even though it turned out to be kind of easy, success gave me such a feeling of accomplishment. One of those benefits of being single!

What do I get for my troubles? 10 GB / 7 straight days of electronic music. The people who have built the bulk of my library – my ex and brother-in-law - must really like it. Deletedeletedelete. I have a hard time deleting, thinking that maybe someday I’ll suddenly develop an appreciation and regret not having it, but I’m pretty sure that’ll never happen.

Happily, I now have access to the other 150 GB / 80 days of music too. Maybe I have a bit of my dad’s hoarding tendencies after all.

More music in 2012!

Reverb prompt:

11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

It was 11 things for 2011, but I couldn’t think of a 12th for 2012! So I’m sticking with 11.

My life has too much:
1. TV – get rid of cable internet at home. Delete the various series that I have on my laptop.
2. internet – get rid of cable internet at home.
3. phone games – delete the worst offenders from my phone. Set a reading goal for 2012.
4. alcohol – find other ways to medicate social anxiety. Don’t buy it for home.
5. rotten produce – buy what I need, eat what I buy. Make a plan. Cook.
6. Facebook / Foursquare – delete app from phone.
7. vending machine snacks and hot chocolate concoctions – none at all in 2012!
8. belongings – moving will take care of this, but I need to get started reducing.
9. meat, dairy, gluten – I feel brighter when I fill up on fruits and vegetables.
10. lethargy – move, stretch, sweat.
11. fluorescent lights / gray cubicles – I have the perfect cure!

Getting rid of these eliminates the quick/easy/default choice and frees me up for bigger and better things – like these 11 things that my life needs more of:
1. reading
2. singing
3. writing
4. cooking
5. listening to music and radio shows and podcasts
6. paper and pencil puzzles (kenken and the like)
7. energy
8. quiet
9. yoga
10. fresh air
11. continued connection and community